A Guide To Anger And Conflict Resolution
To become a master at responding to criticism, we have to first learn to recognize the reason for the criticism. So far we have discussed five of them: Criticism designed to encourage you to improve (see HERE and HERE) Playful teasing (see HERE) The desire to form a bond with a group by putting down non-group members (see HERE) Jealousy (see HERE) The criticizer is…
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For the past few weeks we have been discussing how to deal with criticism. As I have noted, because criticism is often accompanied by name calling, insults, threats, and even violence, it can be very hard to handle. Even when criticism is provided in a more supportive manner, threats to our desires to be liked and to be free to do whatever we want can…
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Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Recently I have been discussing a model that describes five levels of maturity when responding to criticism. Today, we switch gears, and take a look at a model that describes five levels of maturity when providing criticism. The Five Levels Below you will find preliminary descriptions of how people at five developmental levels of maturity provide criticism, that is,…
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Recently, I published posts that discussed dealing with your anger that might arise when you are criticized (see BEING A WISE FRIEND TO YOUR ANGRY SELF, PART 1 and BEING A WISE FRIEND TO YOUR ANGRY SELF, PART 2). The techniques that are recommended in those posts can be helpful for those who are upset about what was said. But there are times when we…
Read MoreIn my last post, I discussed BEING A WISE FRIEND TO YOUR ANGRY SELF. I received some nice comments from people who found the suggestions helpful. Thanks! For some, the suggestions that I put forth on this blog are easy to carry out in real life situations. For others, old habits that have been used in anger- arousing situations for years are not so easily…
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For the past few weeks, I have been discussing the different reasons why people criticize and how to respond in a mature manner. To become a master at responding maturely, these mature responses have to be rehearsed. But even after a great deal of rehearsing, masters at responding to criticism occasionally find themselves becoming so angry at what is being said, that they have to…
Read MoreThe Parable of Ed and Lori Ed has been dating Lori for a little over a month. One day he invites her to have dinner at his favorite restaurant. “Ed,” she replies with a smile, “I’d like to pick the restaurant this time. You picked last time.” Ed thinks to himself that the one time he agreed to Lori picking the restaurant, she picked spicy…
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Recently, I put up a post on this blog titled “RESPONDING TO CRITICISM: FOUR LEVELS OF MATURITY.” After describing the four levels, I ended the post with the question, “Is there a higher level than level four?” Today I shall propose a level five: LEVEL FIVE. In addition to actions consistent with level 4, people responding to criticism in a manner consistent with level 5…
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The last few blog posts have been devoted to encouraging readers to take a little time to stop and think about criticism. In the most recent post, we took a look at four levels of responding to criticism. Level one is viewed as the least mature response, and each higher level is viewed as more and more mature. Let’s take another look at these four…
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Let’s say you meet a guy named Pete. As you begin to interact with him some of his actions begin to upset you. You say, “Pete, since we met you have yelled at me twice and called me stupid.” Pete responds to your criticism by smashing his elbow right into your cheek. Do you think you would like Pete? Would you respect Pete for acting…
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