A Guide To Anger And Conflict Resolution
“Judy, it’s so nice to see you,” I say as she comes into my office and sits down on my couch. “I’ve been reading your blog again, Dr Rubin. It’s filled with a bunch of hogwash.” “Hmmm, it sounds like there are some ideas in it that you don’t care for.” “I read last night two of your blog posts–Is Criticism Bad and Criticism and Wisdom. …
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In a recent post (Dealing with Criticism by Digging Deeper) I discussed some difficult situations that may occur when we deal with criticism. There, I mentioned that in these types of situations, it can be helpful to do our best to describe what the criticizer’s most obvious desire is for providing the criticism and then to look to see if there are any other desires…
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“I’ve been reading your blog posts, Dr. Rubin,” Judy says sounding annoyed. “You are making everything sound way too complicated.” “I’m pleased that you’ve been checking it out,” I reply. “I’d love to hear more about your reactions.” “Well, yesterday I went over to pick up my friend, Sue, to go to a party. She was wearing an outfit that was almost identical to mine. So I…
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A few weeks ago I published a post titled CONFLICTS WITH OURSELVES: LESSONS FROM CHARLIE BROWN. Today, let’s quickly review the ideas presented there, and then move on to discuss a few more. Review When one person has a conflict with another person, we call this an interpersonal conflict. An intrapersonal conflict occurs when a person has a conflict with himself or herself. When we…
Read MoreWhy would someone fling insults at you? For the past few weeks we have discussed eight different reasons and how to deal with each one (see INSULTS: A COMIC STRIP LOVER’S GUIDE). Sometimes when people attempt to insult you, they are being clumsy at letting you know they have a conflict with you. Here, it looks like Lt. Fuzz insults Sarge because he has a…
Read MoreOver the past couple of months on this blog in weekly posts I have been discussing criticism. This past week on the internet I came upon an episode of Jerry Seinfeld’s internet show “Comedians in Car Getting Coffee.” There, Jerry and his fellow comedian, Michael Richards, discuss a very unfortunate incident that dramatically illustrates some of the ideas I’ve been trying to convey to my…
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Last week’s post is titled, AN INTRODUCTION TO “GUILTING.” There we compared “GUILTING” to “ENCOURAGING CARING.” Both are different styles of making a request and reacting if someone refuses to help. GUILTING People using guilting express sadness at the current state of affairs and then ask for assistance. Upon having a request turned down, the person who employs guilting responds in anger while seeking to…
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For the past few weeks we have been discussing how to deal with criticism. As I have noted, because criticism is often accompanied by name calling, insults, threats, and even violence, it can be very hard to handle. Even when criticism is provided in a more supportive manner, threats to our desires to be liked and to be free to do whatever we want can…
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In my previous post I provided readers a discussion titled PROVIDING NEGATIVE CRITICISM: FIVE LEVELS OF MATURITY. Several of the same arguments that I used earlier to defend the FIVE LEVELS OF RESPONDING TO CRITICISM are equally true for defending the five levels of providing negative criticism. Perhaps the best argument for the five levels can be derived from the golden rule—Treat others as you…
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Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Recently I have been discussing a model that describes five levels of maturity when responding to criticism. Today, we switch gears, and take a look at a model that describes five levels of maturity when providing criticism. The Five Levels Below you will find preliminary descriptions of how people at five developmental levels of maturity provide criticism, that is,…
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