A Guide To Anger And Conflict Resolution
William James, psychologist and philosopher, passed away over a century ago. Nevertheless, his remarkable body of work remains as fresh as fruit plucked from its tree but moments ago. His views about his personal bout with a challenging experience developed over many years. Today I think it will be instructive if we spent a little time reviewing what he learned. A Glimpse at James’s Early…
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“Are you going to vote for the new school facility plan, Marc?” “No, Phil. It calls for combining the two high schools in our town so that there will be nearly 2,000 students in the combined school. I prefer small schools. I say, keep them small, keep them personal.” Turning red and glaring into Marc’s eyes, Phil begins to holler, “What are you, stupid? We…
Read MoreRecently I wrote a post titled “Free of Fear,” employing the name of the musical group my two sons, Jack and Lennon, happen to be in. They had just released a new album, See You on the Other Side, and when I went to the album release party it got me to thinking about the subject. When we become free of fear, it seems to…
Read MoreA few nights ago, Andrea and I went to see a show billed as “The Free of Fear NYC Debut and Album Release Concert.” Our two sons, Lennon and Jack, had written the album’s music, played most of the instruments, and were the front men for the show, so naturally we went. My expectation for the evening was to see a set of musicians walk…
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If you have been following this blog, you know that from time to time I have been discussing insults and criticism. In earlier posts, we looked at situations in which people end up feeling insulted because someone provided negative criticism. I have argued that rather than to feel insulted, it is possible to learn to welcome criticism, as well as words that might come off…
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If you follow the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, you know that Calvin, from time to time, does some things that upset his Dad. And it is often not hard to understand why his father might become angry at some of Calvin’s actions. Here we see Calvin’s dad blowing up in anger. My wife and I raised two sons, and I wouldn’t be honest if…
Read MoreAudrey is at a fine restaurant with her parents celebrating her law school graduation. “Well, your mother and I are so proud of you, Audrey,” says her father. “Thanks, Dad!” “Now you know, Audrey, I think it best that you begin your career in my Wall Street firm,” says her father. “Dad, we discussed this already. I’m going to get a job in the Department…
Read MoreOn this blog, we have been discussing how we can move from anger to challenge. In one post, to help to move in the direction of challenge, I asked you to think of conflict as a great sea. I explained that there is a region of the Sea of Conflict that is known as Anger. There, storms are particularly likely to churn up, and some…
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Last week we discussed the theory that anger suppression can be harmful (see ANGER SUPPRESSION VERSUS CHALLENGE). We found that there is some evidence supporting the theory, and we therefore looked at the possibility that rather than suppressing anger, we can learn to transform this mischievous experience into a state of challenge without suppression. Since a popular alternative to either suppression or challenge is venting anger,…
Read MoreDespite the ample evidence that anger is fraught with danger, human debasement, and ineffective functioning, many people seem reluctant to put their heart and soul into learning more effective alternatives. Why is this? One of the biggest reasons is that our culture presents in both direct and subtle ways the theory that suppressing anger can be harmful. Here we will explore this theory. As we…
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