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Am I Bad for Being Sad?

by Jeffrey Rubin, PhD

Welcome to from Insults to Respect. Today we seek to answer the question, If we are experiencing sadness does that mean that we are bad? We’ll begin with a little parable to see what it might reveal. Then we’ll look at the real life example of Laura, a young woman who came to think there was something wrong with her because of her sadness. The…

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William James on Child Discipline

by Jeffrey Rubin, PhD

William James (1842-1910) became one of the leading thinkers of his day, and through his writings he remains one of the most influential psychologists and philosophers the United States has ever produced. There is a certain wisdom and kindness that runs through his work that I particularly admire. So, in an earlier post when I wanted to come up with ideas on how parents can best…

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Suing Fellow Student For Bullying

On this blog, from time to time I provide some commentary on news stories involving bullying.  There was the case of students tormenting a 68-year-old bus monitor: And another one in which a 12-year-old girl leaped to her death after more than a year of being cyberbullied: And several others as well. Another Example This week I want to discuss a story about some parents who…

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DEALING WITH SUBTLE FORMS OF CRITICISM

If you have been following this blog, you know that from time to time I have been discussing insults and criticism.  In earlier posts, we looked at situations in which people end up feeling insulted because someone provided negative criticism. I have argued that rather than to feel insulted, it is possible to learn to welcome criticism, as well as words that might come off…

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A COMIC STRIP LOVER’S GUIDE FOR TRANSFORMING ANGER INTO CHALLENGE

If you follow the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, you know that Calvin, from time to time, does some things that upset his Dad.  And it is often not hard to understand why his father might become angry at some of Calvin’s actions. Here we see Calvin’s dad blowing up in anger.  My wife and I raised two sons, and I wouldn’t be honest if…

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THE ABCs OF POWER AND THE GUILT CONDITION

For the past few weeks I have been discussing personal power.  Power is the skill to achieve your desires.  To help people to come up with plans to achieve their desires, we have been constructing a list, in alphabetical order, of sources of power.  We are calling this list the ABCs of Power.  So far, the list looks like this: THE ABCs OF POWER A=Advancing…

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The ABCs of Power: The Letter “A”

Power, in one sense, is the ability to achieve your desires.  In another sense, it is the feeling you get when you have mastered a skill that increases the probability that some desire of yours will be fulfilled.  And in yet another sense, it is the feeling that you get when you come to believe that you have the ability to master any skill that…

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DENNIS THE MENACE AND CRITICISM: AN ADVANCED LESSON

In my previous post, I offered some suggestions for dealing with criticism.  There, I mentioned that in difficult situations I have found it helpful before providing criticism to pause. Because people want to be liked and to be free to make their own decisions, during my pause I think about how to minimize any perceived threat to these two desires. To practice this skill, I…

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DEALING WITH CRITICISM: LESSONS FROM DENNIS THE MENACE

In a recent post (Dealing with Criticism by Digging Deeper) I discussed some difficult situations that may occur when we deal with criticism.  There, I mentioned that in these types of situations, it can be helpful to do our best to describe what the criticizer’s most obvious desire is for providing the criticism and then to look to see if there are any other desires…

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TEACHING CHILDREN HOW TO DEAL WITH CRITICISM

For the past few weeks we have been discussing how to deal with criticism.  As I have noted, because criticism is often accompanied by name calling, insults, threats, and even violence, it can be very hard to handle.  Even when criticism is provided in a more supportive manner, threats to our desires to be liked and to be free to do whatever we want can…

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