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RESPONDING TO INSULTS BY IGNORING

If you have been following this blog, you know that I have often discussed different ways to respond to insults. For example, some people respond to negative criticism that is designed to be constructive as if it was an insult.  They then become angry, defensive and end up storming away.  In a post titled CRITICISM AND WISDOM, I encouraged people who respond in this way…

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RESPONDING TO INSULTS WITH QUIET SADNESS

A couple of weeks ago, I provided readers of this blog a post titled, “How I Met Cool Steve.”  There, I told a story from one of my novels about a teenager, Jeff Star.  At one point, Jeff is in an angry mood because his teacher gave him so much homework, and perhaps he is also having some jealous feelings about how much respect the…

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The NFL and Bullying: How to Change the Culture

This is my third “NFL Bullying” post since the topic splashed all over the national media this past Monday.  The first (“The N.F.L. Culture and Bullying“) presents the theory that one reason why bullying is sometimes viewed as acceptable is the belief that it can increase motivation to reach a level of excellence not achievable without bullying. Whereas there may indeed be legitimate examples of some…

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The N.F.L. Culture and Bullying

We just finished up National Bullying Prevention Month.  Throughout October, after far too many suicides because of bullying, numerous organizations banned together to do what they could to change a culture.  What they tried to accomplish is far from easy. The difficulty is that our culture is filled with examples of people telling us that insults can be the mother of invention.  If you are…

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How I Met Cool Steve

Regular readers of this blog know that to illustrate an idea, I usually utilize a comic strip or a brief parable.  To fully integrate all of the ideas that appear in the blog, I’ve created a coming of age trilogy of novels that is set in Brooklyn that my students over the years have coined The Cool Steve Stories, because one of the main characters…

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Teenage Suicide and Cyberbullying: A Case Study

One morning I was getting ready to write my weekly blog post when I decided to first glance over at the New York Times‘ front page.  A wave of sadness washed over me as I spotted the following headline: Girl’s Suicide Points to Rise in Apps Used by Cyberbullies According to the Times, 12-year-old Rebecca Sedwick leaped to her death after more than a year…

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THE MOST MATURE LEVEL OF RESPONDING TO CRITICISM: ADVANCE LESSON

Are there different levels of maturity for responding to criticism?  If so, what is the most mature level? Over recent weeks we have been pursuing an answer to these questions (see for example, Responding to Criticism: Four Levels of Maturity and Responding to Criticism: The Most Mature Level).   During this pursuit, I put forth a tentative proposal for a most mature level because I…

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ANGER, STRESS AND THE SIGNALING TO BACK-OFF TECHNIQUE

by Jeffrey Rubin, PhD

While taking my conflict resolution class, Sara, a young woman around thirty, asked the following:  “I have been finding many of my new conflict resolution skills very helpful.  However, to my dismay, sometimes I’m feeling stressed out and then if I become angry I find my skills fly right out the window.  Why do you think that this occurs, and is there anything I can…

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CRITICIZING YOURSELF MATURELY: A LESSON FROM BLONDIE

Over the course of the last few weeks I presented some lessons that aim to get you to think about immature and mature ways to provide negative criticism to yourself (see CRITICIZING YOURSELF: FIVE LEVELS OF MATURITY and CRITICIZING YOURSELF MATURELY: A COMIC STRIP LOVER’S GUIDE). As I’ve pointed out on many occasions, becoming a master at utilizing the higher levels of maturity takes more than just thinking…

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CRITICIZING YOURSELF MATURELY: A COMIC STRIP LOVER’S GUIDE

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Recently I presented a post that aims to get you to think about immature and mature ways to provide negative criticism to yourself (see Criticizing Yourself: Five Levels of Maturity). In that post there is a fun practice section to help people to get familiar with the different levels. Becoming a master at utilizing the higher levels of maturity takes…

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