A Guide To Anger And Conflict Resolution
One morning I was getting ready to write my weekly blog post when I decided to first glance over at the New York Times‘ front page. A wave of sadness washed over me as I spotted the following headline: Girl’s Suicide Points to Rise in Apps Used by Cyberbullies According to the Times, 12-year-old Rebecca Sedwick leaped to her death after more than a year…
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Last week we discussed the theory that anger suppression can be harmful (see ANGER SUPPRESSION VERSUS CHALLENGE). We found that there is some evidence supporting the theory, and we therefore looked at the possibility that rather than suppressing anger, we can learn to transform this mischievous experience into a state of challenge without suppression. Since a popular alternative to either suppression or challenge is venting anger,…
Read MoreDespite the ample evidence that anger is fraught with danger, human debasement, and ineffective functioning, many people seem reluctant to put their heart and soul into learning more effective alternatives. Why is this? One of the biggest reasons is that our culture presents in both direct and subtle ways the theory that suppressing anger can be harmful. Here we will explore this theory. As we…
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Most of us know situations in which someone became angry and it made the situation worse. For example, consider the following Luann comic. In the comic, Toni, the girl with blond hair, becomes angry at Miss Eiffel because of the way she was treating her boyfriend, Brad. In the end, Toni and the guy she cares about are far from happy. Although expressing our anger…
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Angry memories of past conflicts can have important consequences as new conflicts arise. When dealing with a new conflict, recalling a similar conflict that occurred in the past can help us to consider utilizing a strategy that we had tried that ended up producing a satisfactory resolution, or to consider avoiding a strategy that we had tried that ended up failing miserably. Sometimes we find…
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Are there different levels of maturity for responding to criticism? If so, what is the most mature level? Over recent weeks we have been pursuing an answer to these questions (see for example, Responding to Criticism: Four Levels of Maturity and Responding to Criticism: The Most Mature Level). During this pursuit, I put forth a tentative proposal for a most mature level because I…
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Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Most people would agree that some people are less skillful at handling criticism than others. Those following this blog well know that I have been encouraging readers to be able to recognize five levels of maturity for responding to criticism. As I began my efforts, first I provided a lesson about the first four levels of maturity (see Responding to…
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Last week I began to answer the following question from one of my students: “I have been finding many of my new conflict resolution skills very helpful. However, to my dismay, sometimes I’m feeling stressed out and then if I become angry I find my skills fly right out the window. Why do you think that this occurs, and is there anything I can do…
Read MoreWhile taking my conflict resolution class, Sara, a young woman around thirty, asked the following: “I have been finding many of my new conflict resolution skills very helpful. However, to my dismay, sometimes I’m feeling stressed out and then if I become angry I find my skills fly right out the window. Why do you think that this occurs, and is there anything I can…
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Over the course of the last few weeks I presented some lessons that aim to get you to think about immature and mature ways to provide negative criticism to yourself (see CRITICIZING YOURSELF: FIVE LEVELS OF MATURITY and CRITICIZING YOURSELF MATURELY: A COMIC STRIP LOVER’S GUIDE). As I’ve pointed out on many occasions, becoming a master at utilizing the higher levels of maturity takes more than just thinking…
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