Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Our topic today–conceit.

If you are seeking to be respected, actions by you that suggest to others that you are conceited are probably not helpful. To increase your motivation to change such behaviors, listening to Bob Dylan’s emotionally powerful song, “Disease of Conceit,” just might help.

The song appears on Bob’s 1989 album, Oh Mercy. The first verse tells us,

There’s a whole lot of people suffering tonight
From the disease of conceit
Whole lot of people struggling tonight
From the disease of conceit
Comes right down the highway
Straight down the line
Rips into your senses
Through your body and your mind
Nothing about it that’s sweet
The disease of conceit

Wow, calling conceit a disease, and then pairing it with words like “suffering,” “struggling,” and “rips into your senses” evokes strikingly negative feelings toward this fairly common human characteristic. Makes one wonder why Bob viewed it as so awful.

In the bridge of Dylan’s song, he sings;

Conceit is a disease
That the doctors got no cure
They’ve done a lot of research on it
But what it is, they’re still not sure

Hmm. Well, if doctors have little to offer on this topic, maybe others do. To find out I turned to my immediate family–my wife, Andrea, and our two sons, Lennon and Jack. “What does being conceited mean to you, is it a negative attribute, and if so, why?” Here are their replies:

Lennon: When I think of the word conceited, I generally think of it as the opposite of being humble. Where it gets tricky is exploring the difference between being conceited and being self-confident. While I might respect somebody who is self-confident, I might dislike somebody I consider to be conceited. 

The first difference would depend on if I think the person’s self-confidence was justified or not. The second difference would be based on how I feel the person projects that confidence energetically. If they do it in a way that rubs me the wrong way, I’ll be more likely to classify them as conceited rather than as self-confident. But perhaps “arrogant” is a better word for somebody whose confidence is justified, but they throw it in the faces of others in a way that ruffles their feathers.

Jack: I’d say conceited means being full of yourself or arrogant. When the word conceited is used I feel it’s usually used to describe someone in a negative way – possibly based in the person acting like they’re better than other people rather than just feeling self-confident which would be a more positive or neutral quality.

Andrea: Conceit typically feels like a cover-up to me. Boastfulness suggests an insecurity that needs soothing. Upon a first meeting, I’m likely to wonder about this. If, in time, it continues, it might start to be annoying.

Well, now that we have reactions from my family members, let’s see what else Bob’s song has to offer. His next verse goes:

There’s a whole lot of hearts breaking tonight
From the disease of conceit
Whole lot of hearts shaking tonight
From the disease of conceit
Steps into your room
Eats your soul
Over your senses
You have no control
Ain’t nothing too discreet
About the disease of conceit

These words give me the impression Bob has had some pretty tough experiences when it comes to dealing with conceit. Perhaps either he, or someone close to him, has been acting conceited in a a pretty awful manner and he hates it.

Dr. Jeffrey Rubin

My experience with conceit hasn’t been as dramatic. I find most of the people I know who come off as conceited strike me as insecure, but are pretty decent folks, nevertheless. I do think they might be better off canning the bragging. Perhaps the drama of the song grabs our attention to focus on this.

It seems to me people are most likely to come off as conceited when they have a great success. They might, for instance brag about their great skill in bringing about the success. In contrast, consider how Abraham Lincoln, upon hearing the news that he had won the 1864 presidential election, responded to his supporters:

I am thankful to God for this approval of the people. But while deeply grateful for this mark of their confidence in me, if I know my heart, my gratitude is free from any taint of personal triumph. I do not impugn the motives of any one opposed to me. It is no pleasure to me to triumph over any one; but I give thanks to the Almighty for this evidence of the people’s resolution to stand by free government and the rights of humanity.

Here we don’t see Old Abe boasting of having amazing skills that outwitted the opposition. Rather, he strikes a humble tone, expressing gratitude to some higher power and the people’s resolution to stand by free government and the rights of humanity. Others, upon some success, express gratitude to specific individuals who helped them along the way. I like that.

Well, there you have it, some thoughtful words from Bob Dylan, and a few others, that hopefully motivates all of us to be weary of coming across as conceited. Yes, it’s often tempting to blow our own horn. Nevertheless, perhaps there are better approaches to enhance respect. The dramatic words of Bob’s song hopefully motivates us to look within and then consider if we might be wise to make changes.

My Best
Jeff

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward toe mindful the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

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