Insulting Trump Supporters: Wise or Foolish?

Welcome to From Insults to Respect.

Dr. Jeffrey Rubin

In my last post, I made the following argument: Supporters of Kamala Harris would be wise to seek to make friends with Trump supporters rather than to demean them. Here’s my approach for doing this.

I explain to his supporters that I get why they are awfully angry about such things as the prices at the supermarket and the situation at our southern border. I also explain to them that I recognize that most of Trump’s supporters who are angry about these issues are wonderful Americans. They consist of some of my dear friends, and even several family members that I love dearly.

They also include many crucial members of our communities, such as nurses who are tending to the sick, law enforcement workers keeping our neighborhoods safe, brave military personnel protecting us from would-be foreign invaders, and waiters and waitresses making special meals a delight. It is just that these Americans are so angry about certain situations occurring in America that they find themselves in their fury blaming those whom they view as responsible for these situations. Each time they hear Trump also blaming those same people, they find themselves cheering.

I then pause to listen to their responses, summarizing from time to time what they are saying so they know I’m really listening.

After a few minutes of this listening, I add that in my view Democrats are just as unhappy with the cost at the supermarkets, and well recognize that when so many people are racing across our borders illegally that this does create real problems in communities already struggling to carry out basic services. At the same time, I find myself wondering if the emotional reactions of many of Trump’s supporters, along with their blaming those whom they view as responsible for these problems, by itself, is going to fix them. I propose that perhaps the best way forward is to figure how we can work together to do the necessary hard work.

For me, if I combine these words with empathic listening, it works to maintain my valued relationships and in some cases, to further mutual respect with several of my golf buddies.

Since writing my last blog post, I was delighted to hear a few speakers at the Democratic National Convention (DNC) echo similar sentiments.

Nicholas Kristof

And then, this morning, I happened to read in the New York Times an opinion piece by Nicholas Kristof titled “Here’s Why We Shouldn’t Demean Trump Voters.” Today I would like to highlight a few of his cogent points.

Early on in the piece, he quotes a paragraph of Bill Clinton from his DNC speech:

“I urge you to meet people where they are. I urge you not to demean them, but not to pretend you don’t disagree with them if you do. Treat them with respect — just the way you’d like them to treat you.”

Why does Mr. Kristof like this quote? He explains in detail,

That’s critical counsel because too often since 2016, the liberal impulse has been to demonize anyone at all sympathetic to Donald Trump as a racist and bigot. This has been politically foolish, for it’s difficult to win votes from people you’re disparaging.

It has also seemed to me morally offensive, particularly when well-educated and successful elites are scorning disadvantaged, working-class Americans who have been left behind economically and socially and in many cases are dying young. They deserve empathy, not insults.

Mr. Kristof brings this to life by telling us of a friend who is “a good generous woman” who feels betrayed by the Democratic and Republican political establishments. When factories closed and good union jobs left the area, she ended up homeless and addicted; four members of her extended family killed themselves, and she once put a gun to her own head. She views Trump as outside the major parties, and this gives her hope. Moreover, she reports hearing liberals mocking her faith when it was an evangelical church that helped her overcome homelessness.”

Mr. Kristof goes on to argue,

Working-class Americans have a right to feel betrayed. After almost 3,000 people died in the Sept. 11 attacks, we started two wars and allocated trillions of dollars to the response. But every three or four days we lose as many Americans to drugs, alcohol and suicide as died in the Sept. 11 attacks, yet the national response has been pathetically weak. The social fabric in many blue-collar communities has unraveled, and people are angry and frustrated.

Listening to the pain many in our blue-collar communities are feeling is humane and the decent thing to do. Viciously berating them for supporting Trump is not my idea of being helpful.

At one point, Mr. Kristof tells us:

FDR

I worry about Democrats neglecting their proud heritage since at least the time of Franklin Roosevelt of standing up for working-class Americans. Maybe it’s time for more educated liberals to reread F.D.R.’s famous “Forgotten Man” speech of 1932, hailing “the forgotten man at the bottom of the economic pyramid.” 

By Kamala Harris choosing as her running mate, Tim Walz, a man who can reach working-class voters with his words as well as his policies is hugely helpful. And presenting herself as the candidate who worked at McDonald’s while her opponent was exploiting his inheritance and renters, demonstrates her understanding for connecting in a positive way to all of those who feel forgotten.

Mr. Kristof closes his opinion piece with the following words:

Sure, it’s satisfying to hurl invective. But calling people “Nazis” probably won’t win over undecided voters any more than when Trump supporters deride “libtards” or the “Biden crime family.”

Whatever our politics, Trump brings out the worst in all of us. He nurtures hate on his side that we mirror.

So let’s take a deep breath, summon F.D.R.’s empathy for the forgotten man, follow Clinton’s advice — and, for the sake of winning elections as well as of civility, remember that the best way to get others to listen to us is to first listen to them.

I fully agree.

My Best,
Jeff

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

conflict resolutionNicholas KristofTrump Voters