A Gone With The Wind Insult
by Jeffrey Rubin, PhD
Welcome to From insults To Respect.
Last night, I happened to be watching the epic 1939 film, Gone With The Wind, winner of 10 Academy Awards. The plot begins just as the American Civil War is about to commence. It was a time when challenging someone to a duel was viewed as required to save face whenever a man felt he was insulted. Such an approach has largely gone with the wind, but there is a scene early in the film in which Rhett Butler, richly played by Clark Gable, handles an insult in a way that I think is worth considering even in our modern world.
The Scene
The setting is the library of a wealthy plantation owner, Ashley Wilkes. A group of men have gathered there to discuss the likelihood of a Civil War. Ashley had invited Rhett Butler, a man with considerable military training having attended West Point, to come to his plantation as one of his guests. Here’s the dialogue I would like you to consider:
Wilkes, Hamilton, & O’Hara
Mr. O’Hara: It’s time we let them [the northerners] know we keep our slaves! We’re the sovereign state of Georgia and we’ll keep it by force of arms! We Got to fight, there is no other way! The matter is simple. The Yankees can’t fight and we can! Don’t you agree with us, Mr. Butler?!
Clark Gable as Mr. Butler
Mr. Butler: I think it’s hard to win a fight with words, gentlemen.
Mr. Charles Hamilton: What do you mean?!
Mr. Butler: I mean, there is not a cannon factory in the whole south.
Mr. Hamilton
Mr. Hamilton: What does that mean to a gentleman?! [said with rage]
Mr. Butler: I’m afraid it will mean a great deal to a lot of gentlemen.
Mr. Hamilton: Are you hinting that the yankees can lick us?!
Mr. Butler: No, I’m not hinting. I’m saying very plainly the yankees are better equipped than us. They have factories, coal mines, a fleet that can bottle up our harbors and starve us to death. All we got is cotton, slaves, and arrogance.
Mr. Hamilton: I refuse to listen to any of this renegade talk!
Mr. Butler: I’m sorry if the truth offends you [said humbly and with a respectful bow].
Mr. Hamilton: Your apology is not enough! [At which point the insults from Hamilton are furiously launched at Butler] I hear you were turned out of West Point, and you are not welcome in any family in Charleston, not even your own family!!!
Mr. Butler: I apologize again for all of my shortcomings. [He provides a respectful bow]
Mr. Ashely, perhaps you won’t mind if I take a walk around your place. [Before leaving, he looks toward the rest of the men and says] I’m sorry gentlemen, I seem to be spoiling everyone’s cigars and dreams of victory. [He again respectfully bows and exits]
Mr. Hamilton attempts to chase after Mr. Butler to furiously challenge him to a duel, but the other men physically restrain him while explaining that a duel would be foolhardy because Butler has proven to be one of the best marksmen in the country. Mr. Ashely Wilkes, owner of the plantation at which the meeting is being held, informs all that Mr. Butler is his guest, and with that, he joins Butler on his walk.
Discussion
Here we see a scenario in which Mr. O’Hara asks Mr. Butler if he agrees with him regarding war with the yankees. Mr Butler, disagrees and provides his reasons. Mr. Hamilton angrily refers to Mr. Butler’s comment as renegade talk, yells in a disrespectful tone of voice, and flings negative rumors in Mr. Butler’s face in front of many men looking on, while being overheard by women in nearby rooms.
To this, Mr. Butler doesn’t slug Mr. Hamilton, nor does he demand either an apology or face him in a duel, which would be typical for Hollywood movies. Instead, he first says, “I’m sorry if the truth offends you,” while respectfully bowing.
When the insulting continues, he offers another apology to Mr. Hamilton, this time, for all of his shortcomings, and again he bows. He then offers an apology to the others in the room and leaves. Violence is avoided, and everyone has some time to cool down.
It seems to me, there are aspects of the approach displayed by Mr. Butler that readers might wish to avoid, and other aspects they would be wise to put in their “handling insults toolbox.”
When Mr. Butler refers to those who are promoting war with the north as being “arrogant,” this suggests he views them as having an exaggerated sense of their ability. For me, I, personally, would leave this type of adjective out of any defense, for some might view it as an insult. I prefer to let my reasoned arguments suffice.
I also have an issue with Mr. Butler when he says, “I’m sorry if the truth offends you.” This can easily come off as being too certain that he is absolutely right, and those who disagree with him are absolutely wrong. Although I am sometimes pretty sure that I am right, I prefer to present myself as being open to learning from opposing views.
Other than these two issues, I think Butler’s approach probably has considerable merit in handling some challenging situations in which insults are flying at my being. I like that he presents his reasons for his disagreement, his tone strikes me as respectful, and his apology for his shortcomings in the face of insults I think has the potential of reducing the chance of an escalation into violence.
I would love to hear from those of you who would like to share your views about Butler’s approach, and my take on it.
As this post drifts to an end, I leave you with my hope that all of you always find ways to convert your insulting experiences into moments that enhance how much respect others have for you, and how much respect you have for yourself.
My Best,
Jeff
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
Dr. Rubin, Sadly, I think the contemporary state of affairs no longer supports impromptu “gentlemanly” discourse nor responses. Ad hominem attacks against opposing views, to my mind, is the state we find ourselves in. However, scholarly writing is the only avenue to posit controversial ideas and asynchronous responses, of whatever kind, can thus be addressed in a friendly but not unargumentative manner.
From a different perspective: In my view, O’Hara and Butler are cut from the same cloth, but while O’Hara is guided by his anger and irritation generated by Butler, goes Butler for a shrewd manipulation technique to humiliate and enrage O’Hara even more, while at the same time ensuring his own safety. Actually, O’Hara is more authentic than Butler.
Btw, these days it’s quite trendy to call manipulation, strategic management 😊
Hi Roald,
Good to hear from you. Just to clarify, it was Hamilton, rather than O’Hara, that became so very angry. With regards to your different perspective, I can see that your take on this might be accurate, though I view Butler’s responses coming from his anxiety because of his full awareness that the war was not going to be a Sunday picnic.
Thanks for the correction, Jeff.
I don’t remember ever seeing that movie and therefore had no further information about Butler’s personality. Anyway, war is always bad no matter its alleged cause and/or how it is sold to the public. And the way it’s generally portrayed in mainstream movies is disgusting.
If you ever get a chance to see it, Roald, I suggest you do. It is one of the truly great American films, though its depiction of the relationships between slaves and their owners has been criticized for “white washing” the issue of slavery.