Thoughts On The Beatles Song “Help”
by Jeffrey Rubin, PhD
Welcome to From Insults To Respect. Today we take a look at the experience of asking for help, which can be hard for some of us. As we do so, we’ll be utilizing the tremendously popular Beatles song, “Help” in order to bring to light some aspects of the experience in an entertaining manner.
The song was released as a single in the summer of 1965 and rocketed to the number 1 spot, as Beatles songs were apt to do. John Lennon passionately sings lead vocals, while getting ample help from his bandmates Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr.
The song begins with John crying out,
(Help!) I need somebody
(Help!) Not just anybody
(Help!) You know I need someone
(Help!)
Here, I notice that although John is crying out for help, he well recognizes that he doesn’t want it from just anybody. Being selective is wise because some people who might provide assistance can make your life ever worse. Let’s keep that in mind as we move on to consider the song’s other lyrics.
The next lines of the song go like this:
When I was younger so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors
Here John says in the song that when he was younger he never needed any help. This may appear a bit puzzling for a couple of reasons. 
First, according to his own statements quoted in various biographies, John received quite a bit of help from his Aunt Mimi while he was growing up. 
Second, John, when he was younger, invited Paul to join his band presumably because he felt Paul could be helpful. So, he not only got a great deal of help when he was younger, he specifically asked Paul for help. The song’s lyrics up to this point do not reflect this. The puzzle is solved by discovering that John, in the song, is not referring to needing just any type of help. Instead, he is referring to needing one particular type of help, as we learn in the next verse.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being ’round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please, please help me?
Here we see that John, in the song, is referring to seeking help for feeling down. 
In John’s culture, young folks liked viewing themselves as tough and never needing any emotional help. Asking for assistance for this type of problem could be viewed as being a sissy. Given this cultural attitude, it was rather brave of him to come out with a song such as this.
In the next verse, John shares some additional feelings about this.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before
The fear of admitting that you are emotionally feeling down and insecure is understandable given the culture John, and many of the rest of us, are brought up in. Nevertheless, John reveals in this song these feeling to the world. He also tells us he appreciates someone who is around to help him through this.
It was quite an eye opener to me as a boy growing up in Brooklyn. Being the toughest person around was viewed as the ideal. To learn that John could not only boldly reveal feelings of being insecure, and yet he continued to be adored by his fans, meant something important to me.
The song’s popularity is due in part to it relating that even someone as popular as John can feel so down he cries out for help. 
It led many of us to become aware we are not alone upon having similar feelings. It also reveals that asking for help need not mean we will end up being disrespected. However, as the opening lines of the song suggest, we might not want to ask just anyone for help. How then, do we pick the right person for this type of assistance? Although the song succeeds in raising this enormously important issue, it leaves us to seek out the answer for ourselves.
Typically, if the person you choose really cares about you and is a good empathetic listener, this will be a reliable guide to choosing well. However, taking a few moments to consider whether or not there is a downside to your choice may be worthwhile. To make this point vivid, let me tell you about some scenes from the movie Kramer vs. Kramer.
In it, Dustin Hoffman is playing a character named Ted Kramer who is going through a tough divorce. Because his boss had been a caring and good listener in the past, whenever Ted discussed work related concerns, Ted chooses to share with him how down he is as a result of going through the divorce process. 
His boss tries to sound interested, but inwardly is bored. As Ted continues over the course of several days to share his emotional difficulties with his boss, more and more boredom arises and he begins to doubt that Ted is going to be able to handle his job responsibilities as well as he had in the past. Ted ends up getting fired.
So, let this be a cautionary tale that motivates you to consider for a few moments whether or not there is a downside to whom you are leaning toward confiding with during hard times.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
If asking for help has negative consequences for the person seeking help, it only shows how hypocritical and sick “our” society is. Nevertheless, I am an absolute proponent that despite this sad and disgusting phenomenon, people should still do this, opening up no matter what. After all, who would want to keep on working for an asshole like that boss in “Kramer vs Kramer? Better leave immediately.
In the context of your blog, I can say that I have no respect whatsoever for those kinds of ‘leaders’. I’m also unwilling to find out about their “deeper” motives. No second chance for them. On the contrary, I’m ready to make their lives even more miserable than it already is.
Note: It seems that you love to analyze the lyrics of certain songs, find out their deeper meaning, and how the audience could use them in their daily lives. Until now, in my opinion, these were always songs that fit well into mainstream society, and therefore only showed a pseudo-reflective, semi-critical or sugary rebellious attitude of the singer/lyricist/composer. That said, Jeff, I’d love to know what your take is on, “Woods of Desolation – Torn Beyond Reason” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbsZiMwljKM
Hi Roald,
I always love your thoughtful comments.
I’m quite sure you are mostly right in that the vast majority of times it’s a good thing to open up no matter what. Still, pausing to think, at least briefly, to consider if there is a downside to who you elect to confide in seems to me worthwhile.
As far as making certain types of leaders more miserable than it already is, such an approach brings to mind the old story of the tar baby.
As for my take on the “Torn Beyond All Reason” song, it’s incredibly dark, but some aspects of life do appear that way,. Sometimes we have to grapple with what comes our way, like it or not. There is, in my opinion, a place for such art, as these feeling do arise, and having this art existing demonstrates to many of us that we are not alone in having these feelings, and some solace comes from this.
I know that the song, which strikes me as having an existential sentiment can be discussed far more extensively, and my brief response is likely to come across as super superficial, but I feel Sartre’s long treatise on such themes is better suited than I am capable of mustering.
My Best,
Jeff
The old tar baby? Yes, I know the general meaning of that story. And there’s truth in it for sure. But then there’s me too. One who gets a kick out of letting lame powerhouses realize, and intensely feel, that they can only be powerful when people (e.g. me) let them. And then there’s also this: I feel more at home with the people of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising and Masada. Yes, sometimes I choose to do whatever seems to me the right thing to do, no matter the consequences.
Since you shared your thoughts on the video, I’ll (partly) repost here what I once replied to a lady who was interested in my use of stuff like this in a professional environment.
>>> ………..but some heavy metal videos, played on big screens and in the right atmosphere, can help to create fabulous conditions/opportunities when wanting to go deep into dark mental spaces, cracks, and abysses with clients who lost the ability to see any light/joy in their lives. I call it “deep sea diving therapy”. It’s not for everybody, and some even consider it mega controversial, bad, dangerous, and damaging, but I simply love to do this. Covering the wounds of life with sterile bandages can be helpful to gain back some peace and rest, but cutting open the scars and exposing the venom hiding within can restore life and passion. Here’s a vid which serves that purpose and immensely resonates with me as well as a few other people. <<<
Dr. Rubin, thanks for another insightful post. I have learned a lot reading your thoughts over the years. Anyway, I thought you might enjoy the mystery novelist Louise Penny’s take on this subject. In many of her murder mystery novels which take place in Quebec, she speaks (through Chief Inspector Gamache) of the Four hardest words people have a difficult time articulating: I don’t know, I am sorry, I need help, I am wrong.
Hi John Whyte,
Good to hear from you.
Chief Inspector Gamache’s four hardest words people have a difficult time articulating are very interesting to think about. I think there is some plausibility to his observation. I wonder if in the story he tells how he assessed this. In any case, I can imagine it being accurate because many people want to be viewed as perfect as possible, and they fear to express those difficult words would reveal they are less than a perfect person. Despite their belief, my guess is that honestly admitting that we don’t know something when we don’t, saying I’m sorry, etc., can often paradoxically improve our image.
Wishing you well,
Jeff
To put this in context:
“There are four things that lead to wisdom. You ready for them?’ She nodded, wondering when the police work would begin. “They are four sentences we learn to say, and mean.” Gamache held up his hand as a fist and raised a finger with each point. “I don’t know. I need help. I’m sorry. I was wrong’.” (Louise Penny, Still Life)
And an analysis from a psychologist/police counselor
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cop-doc/201911/the-wisdom-chief-inspector-armand-gamache
Thank you for this, Roald. I think I might’s use some of the psychology article’s ideas in a future post.
Jeff