Welcome to From Insults To Respect.

In an earlier post (see HERE) I made some rational arguments for people to consider resolving their conflicts in private whenever possible. For example, I mentioned a research study that found people are more likely to escalate an argument into a fight when spectators are around (“Impression Management and the Escalation of Aggression and Violence,” R. B. Felson, Social Psychology Review, 1982).

Rational arguments are important considerations as we go about choosing how to deal with social problems. So, too are emotional issues. With that in mind, today I thought we would look at the lyrics of Bob Dylan’s song “Let’s Keep It Between Us” that appears on his Springtime in New York album. There we find Bob tenderly explaining his feeling to his darling.

Bob’s Song

Utilizing a melody deeply influenced by the blues, and featuring an impressive intermingling of organ and guitar, the song’s first stanza goes,

Let’s keep it between us
These people meddlin’ in our affairs, they’re not our friends
Let’s keep it between us
Before doors close and our togetherness comes to an end
They’ll turn you against me and me against you
’Til we don’t know who to trust
Oh, darlin’, can we keep it between us?

In these words, we see the singer’s utmost concerns. Involving others can lead to some taking sides, leading to confusion and thus their relationship might go kaput.

The next stanza reveals more of the singer’s feelings.

Let’s keep it between us
We’ve been through too much tough times that they never shared
They’ve had nothing to say to us before
Now all of a sudden it’s as if they’ve always cared
All we need is honesty
A little humility and trust
Oh, darlin’, can we keep it between us?

Those lines, as I interpret them, have to do with feelings that are missing in people who suddenly claim to want to help because they care. They don’t know about the shared tough times the lovers have experienced. Keeping these experiences alive, along with honesty, humility, and trust is sufficient, says Bob, to work through their problems.

Moving on to the next verse, Bob expresses his feelings that he and his darling have their faults, but so too do those seeking to help them.

I know we’re not perfect
Then again, neither are they
They act like we got to live for them
As if there just ain’t no other way
And it’s makin’ me kind of tired

Here we see Bob growing weary at seeking to live as others believe is right, while those offering advice have their own lack of perfection.

Let’s see where Bob goes from here in the next verse.

Can we just lay back for a moment
Before we wake up and find ourselves in a daze that’s got us out of our minds?
There must be something we’re overlooking here
We better drop down now and get back behind the lines
There’s some things not fit for human ears
Some things don’t need to be discussed
Oh, darlin’, can we keep it between us?

In the above stanza, Bob sings, “Can we just lay back for a moment.” Here he’s asking for time to experience the feelings that the two lovers have shared. These feelings, the singer says, don’t need to be discussed, though they may reveal something of value not noticed before. The two lovers’ shared experiences may yet offer some guidance on how to lovingly move forward.

The next few lines Bob expresses concerns about how much one can trust those who learn about the problems with his relationship.

They’ll tell you one thing and me another
’Til we don’t know who to trust
Oh, darlin’, can we keep it between us?

The final two verses express the fear that involving others that lack knowing the true inner feelings of the lovers will be harmful.

Let’s keep it between us
Before it all snaps and goes too far
If we can’t deal with this by ourselves
Tell me we ain’t worse off than they think we are
Backseat drivers don’t know the feel of the wheel
But they sure know how to make a fuss
Oh, darlin’, can we keep it between us?

Can we keep it between us?

Thoughts

Bob’s expressive singing, music, and words powerfully capture some issues relevant to two lovers working through sensitive problems. Taking time to be mindful of the feelings of both partners is essential for maintaining love relationships. Combining them with more rational type arguments are often the most helpful approach.

Although not addressed in the song, in my opinion, there are some occasions in which it might make sense to consider conferring with a respected adviser such as a professional counselor. But a deep listening beforehand of how your partner feels about sharing certain information is an essential part of any process designed to effectively and lovingly resolve conflicts.

——————————-

Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Bob Dylaninterpersonal relationshipsprivacy