Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, romantic kissing.

Concerned that your romantic partner’s respect for your kissing technique might not be all that you desire? Is it okay to offer a romantic kiss on a first date? Will your date think less of you if you accept a romantic kiss on the first date? A discussion of Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio Hour episode on kissing will enlighten us on these and other related topics.

Bob’s Introduction

Bob begins his show saying:

Today we are going to take a musical look at one of my favorite pastimes. It’s an act of intimacy, the thing that Mae West called a “man’s signature,” and I’m guessing she knows what she was talking about.

The first song that Bob plays for us is “It’s in His Kiss” by the magnificent Betty Everett. Here’s a bit of its lyrics:

Does she love me? I wanna know
How can I tell if she loves me so?

Is it in her eyes? (No no you’ll be deceived)
Is it in her sighs? (No no she’ll make believe)
If you wanna know if she loves you so
It’s in her kiss (That’s where it is)

Is it in her face? (No no that’s just her charms)
In her warm embrace? (No no that’s just her arms)
If you wanna know if she loves you so
It’s in her kiss (That’s where it is)
Oh yeah it’s in her kiss (That’s where it is)

So hold her and squeeze her tight
Tell her what you wanna know
If it’s love if it really is
It’s there in her kiss.

The unique communication that occurs during the romantic kiss is wonderfully captured in that song. However, I tend to doubt the we can be certain someone really loves us from a kiss. The kiss is an important form of communication, but there is far more to consider in just what it actually means.

The Varied Powerful Emotions That Come with Romantic Kisses

The next song Bob plays for us is sung by Lefty Frizzell, “Always Late with Your Kisses.” Here we learn that how someone handles romantic kisses can provide some hard to handle messages.

How long do you think that I can wait
When you know you’re always late
Always late with your kisses
Won’t you come to my arms sweet darlin’ and stay
You’re always late with your kisses
Why, oh why do you want to do me this way?

The song, sung in the most melancholy manner, suggests to me that if your romantic partner leans over to kiss you, if you are a little late in joining the kiss, it might be a signal that something isn’t quite right with the romance. Moreover, if instead of lingering in your arms during the kiss, she or he ends it a little too quickly, well, that may be another signal that something is wrong. Given how popular the song was, spending 12 weeks on the country charts, clearly indicates it touched something pretty sensitive in the heart of many a listener.

Bob goes on from here to songs that bring up such topics as passionate kissing, kissing in the dark, french kissing, finding lipstick on your collar, catching your woman kissing your best friend, making up after an argument kissing, and the fact that you don’t have to be rich to enjoy a wonderful kiss. He eventually gets back to our “romantic kissing” topic, with the Everly Brothers song, “Till I Kissed You.” Here’s a few lines of its romantic lyrics:

Never felt like this until I kissed ya’
How did I exist until I kissed ya’,
Never had you on my mind,
Now you’re there all the time,
Never knew what I missed till I kissed ya’, uh huh,
I kissed ya’, oh yeah…
You don’t realize what you doin to me,
and I didn’t realize what a kiss could be,
Mmm, you got a way about ya’,
Now I can’t live without ya’,

The song really captures how emotionally powerful a romantic kiss can have on a person.

A Specific Kissing Technique

Half way through the show, Bob checks his email and finds one of them perfect for today’s theme. Lawrence writes:

Dear Theme Time gang, I heard from the grapevine that you were doing a show about kissing. I can sure use your help. My girlfriend says I’m a bad kisser. We get along great but I’m afraid this one problem is going to ruin the whole thing. Please help.

Bob responds:

Well, Lawrence, kissing is an important part of a relationship. And it’s one of those things that you have to be relaxed to do. So the fact that you are getting anxious about it isn’t helping you one bit. However, I can give you a few tips. Armed with this knowledge you’ll feel a little more confident and be able to set things right. First of all, make sure your lips are moist. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss her. No one wants to kiss sandpaper. Stand close to your partner, you don’t want her to reach too far. Tilt your head slightly to one side. Close your eyes just before your lips meet. Just close them. Some people like to keep their eyes opened during a kiss, but until you understand your partner’s preference, better to play it safe and close your eyes. Open your lips slightly, not like you are about to swallow her whole head, just a little bit, and don’t hold your breath. Breath through your nose. Press your partner’s lips gently. Move your lips in a slow circular motion. Be gentle but firm. And finally, and I can’t stress this enough, have a pocketful of mints. There is no underestimating the fact of good breath. Good luck and happy kissing. I hope it won’t be long till you hear your girl say, “baby let me kiss ya just one more time.” 

That there is a pretty decent description of a decent kiss, but I would add one more suggestion for helping him. Why not encourage him to ask his girlfriend what she would like him to do differently when they kiss? For example, she might prefer to be held within his arms more firmly while they are kissing, or perhaps a little gentler approach would be more to her liking.

First Night Kisses

An issue sometimes comes up as to whether or not a guy will lose respect for a gal if she lets him kiss her on their first date. And what about a guy who tries to kiss a girl romantically on a first date? Would he be disrespectful to her for trying. To get into this topic, Bob plays us a recording of some guy taking the following position:

Jerry not only sees Margaret home, but opens the door for her, and then, well, they’ve been going steady for some time now, and there are some customs that are very enjoyable. But now Frank has a new problem, should he try on a first date to kiss his date. He sees her to her door, and thanks her for going out with him. No, he should not try to kiss her good night on a first date. But he does ask her for another date soon.

Bob doesn’t tell us who this guy is, but there is little doubt that there are people who agree with him that a kiss on the first date is a no no. There is also little doubt that people hold different positions on this topic. Take me, for example. I grew up in Brooklyn, and before I was married, and was dating back in the late 1960s and early 70s, when I asked a gal out, I did so because I had some romantic feelings for her. If, by the end of the evening, when we arrived back at her home, if I still felt romantic toward her, I would say I had a very pleasant time, and pause to see if she said something similar. If she did say something similar, I would very slowly and gently lean toward her, observing her reaction as I did so, and if I saw no sign of resistance, my eyes would close and our lips would join for a romantic kiss. If she seemed to get into it, I would feel a wonderful high sensation, not only during the kiss, but all the way home. I never had any sense of disrespect toward the gal for joining me in such a good night kiss.

I’m not saying my position is the correct one. I think it is a good idea to get a sense of the community standard before making a choice about how to respectfully act under such circumstances. Discuss the issue with friends and family members. I also believe that regardless of the community standard, using any force to get a good night kiss, or using any pressure is disrespectful and wrong.

Closing Words

Toward the close of the show, Bob gets back to the topic of the emotions that come from a romantic kiss by playing us a final song, and then reciting a poem. He introduces the song by inviting us to “listen to one of the old masters, the fountainhead from which all music flows, Louis Armstrong, and a song that was the centerpiece for his live performances in the later period of his life. This is a version that he recorded in 19 and 51, ‘A Kiss to Build a Dream on.'”

Here’s a few of that song’s wonderfully romantic lyrics:

Give me a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A kiss to build a dream on
Give me a kiss before you leave me
And my imagination will feed my hungry heart
Leave me one thing before we part
A kiss to build a dream on
And when I’m alone with my fancies, I’ll be with you
Weaving romances, making believe they’re true
Oh, give me your lips for just a moment
And my imagination will make that moment live
Give me what you alone can give
A kiss to build a dream on

A kiss to build a dream on–can there be a better way to capture the essence of a romantic kiss?

After this song, Bob recites a Robert Burns poem. It’s called “To A Kiss”:

Robert Burns

Humid seal of soft affections,
Tend’rest pledge of future bliss,
Dearest tie of young connections,
Love’s first snow-drop, virgin kiss.

Speaking silence, dumb confession,
Passion’s birth, and infants’ play,
Dove-like fondness, chaste concession,
Glowing dawn of brighter day.

Sorrowing joy, adieu’s last action,
Ling’ring lips, — no more to join!
What words can ever speak affection
Thrilling and sincere as thine!

Pretty fine words for me to close today’s post. Here’s hoping you’ll join us once again right here at From Insults to Respect, and may all of your romantic kisses be thrilling and sincere.

Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

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